- The Indie Teen™:
If you think it’s a bright idea to criticize Lana del Rey or Sufjan Stevens in college, you might just get a shoe (probably a Converse) or a ukulele chucked at you by your local Indie Teen. Don’t be fooled by their pastel aesthetics and denim jackets, the Indie Teen might actually fly off the handle if you tell them that you don’t agree with their taste in music and if worst comes to worst, they might even end up confronting you and th- nah, I’m just kidding, they’ll probably just scream into the void when they’re upset, like the rest of us. They’ll probably block you from their aesthetic Instagram account though.
- The Qawali Enthusiast:
Alright, here’s a little thought experiment for you. Picture this: you, wearing sunglasses and a black shalwar kameez with the sleeves rolled up, having violent spasms while you clap off-tempo to Mast Nazrou Se Allah Bachaye during the Qawali Night at Avior, while simultaneously contemplating on which NFAK lyric you want to put as the caption for your next Instagram post. If that’s your cup of tea, I hate it to break it to you, but you’ve made it to this list. It’s that simple.
- The E.D.M. Bro:“Where’s the drop, bro?”
It’s back in 2013, where it belongs.
Catch this guy in the common room, relentlessly blasting dance music on his Bluetooth speaker. Honestly though, I really don’t have anything against EDM fans, but if you want to claim that the Chainsmokers are the greatest band of our generation, please maintain a 10-foot distance from me. Thankyou. Much appreciated.
- The SoundCloud Rapper:
The SoundCloud rap fan has a very specific taste in music, i.e., repetitive trap-rap performed in a surprisingly monotonous flow. There’s just something about the way Lil Pump says the words ‘Gucci Gang’ 16 times in a row on the hook of the aptly titled “Gucci Gang”, or the way Lil Yatchy totally obliterates a flute, or the way Lil Uzi Vert performs his unique nasal whines that just really tickles their fancy.Fun fact: there are now currently over 8,000 artists on Spotify with ‘Lil’ as their first name.
- The Snobby Audiophile:
Okay first off, I need to be honest, I’m guilty of being part of this group. Secondly, I swear this isn’t my self-deprecation speaking, but these guys are actually the absolute worst. It’s like, once you’ve faced every other type of incredibly annoying music fan, these guys are the final boss. Most of their opinions on music are based on Pitchfork and Anthony Fantano reviews, and they take the utmost pride in being able to enjoy multiple genres of music. They spend half their time berating other music fans for not having a diverse enough taste in music, and the other half convincing themselves that they have to like jazz for some reason (“oh, but the influence that it has, I mean what would you know? You just listen to what’s on the radio”). Worst of all, they feel that their musical prowess is so strong, and their opinions so high and mighty that they think it is totally acceptable to make lists like this one.
by Musa Ali