LACAS Exclusive: The Cocomo Club Is Real

Before I start, I would like to emphasise that this post is totally completely not sponsored by Cocomo. I swear.

What is a Cocomo packet to you? Just a snack? Some chocolate inside a shell of biscuit? Here at LACAS A-levels, it’s so much more. To the untrained eye, this is a normal school but for people with a speculative mind and sharp gazes, there are signs all over. What signs, you may ask? Signs that there is a huge Cocomo Club working behind the scenes at LACAS.

  1. The color red is everywhere.
    Guess what one color the LACAS logo has? Red. Gates at LACAS? Red. Doors at LACAS? Red. The canteen? Red. The stripes on most council robes? RED. Eyes of students, foaming at their mouths, desperate to grab a Cocomo? Red. Why is there so much red all around the campus?! A normal person might think that it’s just the theme LACAS is going for but I’m here to tell you that you are very wrong! Everything on campus makes use of red to control the student’s whose minds are extremely susceptible to subliminal messages after being stretched between academics, social presence and extra curricular activities. We’re being trained to long for the iconic red Cocomo packet. We’re a part of a genetic experiment to jumpstart a new species of humans that are born addicted to the snack. This is also one of the reasons why we reject any Cocomo packets that haven’t been dyed red (like those godawful orange flavoured Cocomos).
  2. Council and Event group chats are filled with mentions of Cocomo.
    Before entering the cult, members have to sign a contract stating that they will joke about Cocomo in a group chat at least once in a month. Also, a majority of members are procrastinators which is why at the end of a month, most event related group chats or council group chats suddenly have an influx of messages related to Cocomo and how much we long for them.
  3. Influential moments in history are linked to Cocomo.
    Guess what happens as soon as theres a shift in the history of the world. That’s right, Cocomo gets stronger. Like recently, Cocomo got stronger and released a new upgraded version of itself into the market. And I’m here to tell you that one of the major reasons why Cocomo rises in power is because the cult members at LACAS work day and night, sacrificing Cocomo to little squirrels, to ensure the rise of Cocomo. In the end, world politics is all about the Cocomo franchise.
  4. Introverts with a social life.
    Just what is this weird phenomenon that is often observed here on campus? People like Sudais Asif and Misha Shahid are notable examples. Always insisting they are awkward and introverted with zero people skills but then how can you explain the large social circle they have. Please don’t adopt loner culture because it’s the only culture I have left in me. And I know just how these introverts manage to get friends of all sorts. They’re using Cocomo to attract hungry students and manipulate their thoughts to make themselves look agreeable and friend-able. I see through it all.

And before we conclude, you all might be wondering what exactly the Club members are up to right now? They’re banging their fists and crying, wondering why the canteen doesn’t have Cocomo in sight.

by Khadija Niazi
Media and Publications Society President

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